Well first things first, this blog is titled Charlie because i'm thinking about Charlie. I'm thinking about Charlie because he wants me to write a blog so he can read it, even though I wasn't planning on posting until LATER ON TONIGHT. So be fucking happy!
Well today was an alright day. I dropped my step-dad off at work, picked up my two checks & put them in my account, and then stopped at the mall. I spent like forever in JCPenney's with BFF Jill & BFF Maggie! I love them! & i'm so sad that their leaving me to move to Tallahassee.. whatever. =( What am I gonna do without my Crazy BFFs! Now who am I gonna talk about all the latest gossip with. =(
On to other things... I think Ryann told Robert. Robert asked BFF Maggie if it was true. & I can't ask because BFF Maggie said don't tell! I hope not because Ryann & me are really good friends. And I hate for some bullshit to ruin a good friendship. Ryann said he's moving to the west side. So I guess afternoons at his house watching movies & drinking diabetes are over lol. I am not driving all the way out there. I really hope he does something with his life. My heart is too weak to save another soul from destruction.
On to other things... I think Ryann told Robert. Robert asked BFF Maggie if it was true. & I can't ask because BFF Maggie said don't tell! I hope not because Ryann & me are really good friends. And I hate for some bullshit to ruin a good friendship. Ryann said he's moving to the west side. So I guess afternoons at his house watching movies & drinking diabetes are over lol. I am not driving all the way out there. I really hope he does something with his life. My heart is too weak to save another soul from destruction.
I don't know what to do about Tay. He's so young & although he is BAD AS HELL, he is still innocent. He grew up too fast and I don't think his brain could handle it. Now he's sending hiss elf off to the army & I think he's expecting me to hold him down or some shit. We're not even together. Nor do we chill. He calls me once or twice a month to see if i'm okay & if he has to kill anybody & to let me know i'm still his 'first love'. You know I realized that i'm a lot of peoples 'first love'.. but I don't really truly have a first love. I've been in love yeah, but it was always by myself. I always want the ones that I can't have. Like no matter how I feel, or what I say, or what I do, they don't love me like I love them. It's only been a couple times though. Definitely not with Tay. I felt more like Tay's mom the entire time we were together. Keeping him out of trouble, making him go to school, all that preaching n shit. At least it paid off. I'm proud of him.
Now about Charlie's retarded ass. Something in my mind is telling me he's gonna hurt me, not to trust him, that he's not a commitment type of person blaze blaze. But my heart is like, 'So fucking what stupid, it's worth a try'. But is it? Is being with someone like him, who just has 'fans', and women whom i'm pretty sure he has strong feelings for, really worth putting my heart on the line? I got a lot on my shoulders right now. I doubt if I could handle a heartbreak. I do like Charlie, but I feel like he's playing with me. I don't know if he wants me or not. I think he just wants to see how far i'll go, & the things i'll say to be with him. I keep getting this feeling like i'm just setting myself up. I don't wanna choose between my heart & my mind. We all know who's gonna win anyway.
I just seen something so special. It's simple, but I guess it's the whole thing that makes it special. While I was typing I looked out the window. And I seen my brother & his girlfriend share a kiss. They're so young. My little brother didn't have to grow up as fast as I did. He gets that option. To share puppy love, to not know what extreme pain is. It's so sweet how fast they 'fell in love' and how they spend so much time together. And they click so well. I'm kinda jealous. I wish I could have that. Or could have had the chance to experience it. They 'hack' each others myspace. Have each others picture up with the dedication of love paragraph lol.
I'm debating on whether or not I should post the link to my blog on my myspace. I don't know if I want the myspacers in my business like that ya know? Typing makes me feel better.. I'm not doing this for the readers. Only 3 people have been given the link to my blog. Jay, Brandon, & Charlie. I don't even think Jay & Brandon read it. Anyways, Music Coming Soon!
Now about Charlie's retarded ass. Something in my mind is telling me he's gonna hurt me, not to trust him, that he's not a commitment type of person blaze blaze. But my heart is like, 'So fucking what stupid, it's worth a try'. But is it? Is being with someone like him, who just has 'fans', and women whom i'm pretty sure he has strong feelings for, really worth putting my heart on the line? I got a lot on my shoulders right now. I doubt if I could handle a heartbreak. I do like Charlie, but I feel like he's playing with me. I don't know if he wants me or not. I think he just wants to see how far i'll go, & the things i'll say to be with him. I keep getting this feeling like i'm just setting myself up. I don't wanna choose between my heart & my mind. We all know who's gonna win anyway.
I just seen something so special. It's simple, but I guess it's the whole thing that makes it special. While I was typing I looked out the window. And I seen my brother & his girlfriend share a kiss. They're so young. My little brother didn't have to grow up as fast as I did. He gets that option. To share puppy love, to not know what extreme pain is. It's so sweet how fast they 'fell in love' and how they spend so much time together. And they click so well. I'm kinda jealous. I wish I could have that. Or could have had the chance to experience it. They 'hack' each others myspace. Have each others picture up with the dedication of love paragraph lol.
I'm debating on whether or not I should post the link to my blog on my myspace. I don't know if I want the myspacers in my business like that ya know? Typing makes me feel better.. I'm not doing this for the readers. Only 3 people have been given the link to my blog. Jay, Brandon, & Charlie. I don't even think Jay & Brandon read it. Anyways, Music Coming Soon!