Ah man... I been pigging the hell out the last couple of weeks. I dunno whats goin on. My big ass been orderin pizza at work. Two diff. days! Just had pizza a few minutes ago. And it's showing too. Not real bad but its showing. Everytime I walk past the mirror i'm like.. FATTIE! Lol I knowww I knowww.. I'm horrible lol but forreal. I just cant make myself get on the floor & do some sit-ups. I stay with an excuse. I need to get over that shit. Easier said than done.
So basically I have a full schedule at work. Which I guess is good. Cause I really do need the hours. Umm, What I don't have is the job that pays enough for those hours to make a big difference. I really need something to come through. Cause all this shit hitting me at once is killing me. Dunno what to do anymore.
Now if Kyle doesn't come through.. I can't ask my grandparents. Because the sweetheart my grandmother is, supporting my damn grown ass auntie & her damn family whom are struggling to pay there mortgage but can afford to splurge on everything else... plus she's helping my cousin buy a car... SHE HASNT HELPED ME BUY MY SHIT. She doesn't even want me to buy the one I can afford. Like wtf? I get something going good & she tells me... no? Don't do it? Are you fucking serious.... I mean.. my back is against a wall right now. & i'm confused.. I don't know what to do.
I'm praying that a miracle happens. Cause right now my world is falling down. I'm just getting started in life & already i'm fucking up. But I guess, 'life isn't fair'. I'm ready to just disappear again. My spirits are like.... so low.. I mean like in the gutter underground low. Blah fuck this.....
xPce