Ha!! Let's go for the usual. My day = BORING. I did jack shit all day. Just hopped out the shower. Decided to do a post before twelve lol. Well world.. todays [tonights] post will be about me & motherhood! NO.. I am NOT pregnant. Lol.
Right at this moment. I'd like to discuss my headaches. Recently I've been getting these KILLER headaches. I have one right now. I don't wanna go to the doctor. Cause I know it will pass. It has before. And I really don't wanna take medicine. I guess I can tell you that, one of my fears is becoming addicted to something. I mean i'm not stupid enough to try some dumb shit but from family history, I know it's something I do NOT want to experience. I took a ibuprofen the other day for my headache. I don't wanna do it too often. I know I can make it.
Anywayyyyy, on to todays topic. Motherhood. Yes, I do want to me a mother. Not right now, but in the future ya know blah blah. I think i'd make a great mother. But then again, i'm scared. Because of my past. Maaaannnnnn if any of the things that happened to me happen to my daughter, i'll be in jail! And that's a promise. You can't put anything past anybody. Especially when it comes to children. There are VERY sick people out there. I want a boy. Well it sounds stupid. But if I have a man in my life who's willing to be with me, or even just with our child, I want a boy. Because it's hard being a mother & a father. How am I gonna teach him to pee? I don't want him to be gay or anything [i wouldn't love him any less even if he was]. I might have him wiping his penis after he pees lol. But if it's just me & I gotta thug it by myself, I want a girl. I wanna be able to give her everything she deserves. I want her to have the opportunities I didn't have. I want her to ride her innocence out until SHE decides she's ready to give that away to that special person.
There is something so special about parenthood that some girls/women don't understand. Like todays ideal mother is like UGH. I can't believe some of the things i've seen today. And honestly, LOVE is NOT enough to raise a child. My son/daughter will have everything they need. I promise to try my best not to spoil my child. =) Scouts honor. Cause it's bad enough i'm a brat. I couldn't handle another brat tryna steal my spotlight! lol just kidding. I wanna know how it feels to truly put someone before yourself. But right now I wanna have the opportunity to guarantee that my child will be okay financially & that I have the time to dedicate to being a mother.
I wanna see what beautiful little creature I can create lol. Wanna see if she'll get my eyes, or if he'll get my skin color, my nose, my lips... just the simple things that makes having a child so special. But best believe I can wait until that day lol. So CHARLIE, don't you say SHIT. Lol. Goodnight all.