Thats what I wanna do. I wanna move forward. Get on with my life. But, how can I? I don't know what's holding me back. Somethings pulling me & I can break free. Maybe i'm holding me back. Like, this obstacle course is just me. Being difficult, not ready to grow up & move on. I need to toughen up. I know she's going to make me leave soon. She's getting a little more insistent. I hope she doesn't make me leave before i'm ready. Because I know with my attitude, i'll struggle & starve before I come back or ask anyone for help. Anyways, on to my conversation with Parris.
Well, at least I know he cares. I used to be so angry because he would never tell me he has his girls. But you know what? One day when I have my child or children, i'm going to be the same way. I don't want a bunch of people around my babies. And everybody might be mad but, so what? We also talked about his cousin. I think his cousin believes if he just puts some time into me, he can win me over. Like i'm THAT easy. You know how long it took Parris to get close to me, to get a piece of my heart? I'm not looking to get close to anybody else right now anyway. I'm still scared of being hurt. It's inevitable, but you can't blame a girl for trying right? We also talked about his night at the club. When I just had that feeling he was in some shit when his cousin said he went to the club. I couldn't get through to his number & low & behold yes him & his people were the ones shooting & being shot at. Boy all this stress CANT be good for me. And we also established, that if were to ever be together, somewhere FAR along down the line, we would probably have to live together lol, otherwise it wouldn't work.
Enough of that. Right now, I would like nothing better than to be sexed down just right. The way Deon did it when he popped my cherry. Blew my mind. Everytime. I wonder how it would be now, knowing all that I know.. now that i'm older. More experienced. I wonder how he's doing... if he did something with his life. Whewwwwee. I txted Kimori. Well he txted me and invited me to this waterpark thing with him thursday but thats the day I take my test & I work. Now... everything else we talked about, lol my fault. Memories get to me sometimes. Nothing else left to say except, I hope I don't slip up. & that i've begun the process of eliminating males from my life.
xPce