Is there anything wrong with just wanting to escape? I wish I had somewhere I could go where I can just get away from the world. Step into the door & leave my problems on the outside. I'm gonna find a place like that one day. I just feel like everywhere I turn i'm running into a wall. A dead end. Its ridiculous. Things are changing so much. & you would think I would be used to it because everything & everyone in my life is always temporary. I guess i'm just tired of all this temporary shit. I want something permanent. I want someone permanent too.
Damn. That karma shit is killing me. I stimulate so many minds. Truthfully, a majority of the relationships I been in were just because I needed someone to occupy my time. A temporary fix to that void in my heart. But it's like as soon as that fix.. that high.. wears off it's like I gotta break it off because their feelings are getting stronger & mines are going back to square one. I don't neccesarily play them.. I don't sell them dreams of love, or tell them I feel certain things that I don't. They just fall for me.. & I don't know why. I know i'm different. But I don't see any difference between what I give them & what other females give them.
But when it comes to me wanting someone. Loving someone. It's the opposite. They stimulate my mind. Have me falling in love or just feeling strongly period. And they don't want me. & I never realized how much karma was involved in that until recently. It's like I used them for a temporary fix. & I was used for someone else temporary fix. I feel so stupid. & I knew better. All I can say is I knew better.
If I was feeling you while we we're friends, why wouldn't I continue to feel you, even more so, as we continued are friendship? And then that was just like a slap in the face. I didnt fall in love, but I let him touch my heart. He left a fingerprint. I guess thats why it hurts. But I always get right, & i'm gonna get back right. My 'best friend's' cousin asked me a question. & I didnt know how to answer it. He said:
Why you push away the ones that want you, & go after the ones that don't?
Sweetheart, because they all want me for the wrong reasons. Can't answer why I want the ones that don't want me. I'm too young to be feeling this way dude. Forreal. I wish I didn't let my feelings get the best of me. I guess all I can say is at least I don't show it on the outside. Oh well... life goes on.
I love the sound of a piano. Playing slowly in the background. It just something so sexy about that. Relaxing. I wanna go to a poetry session. Listening to someone spit somethin' beautiful while i'm eatin' lol. I'm gonna take myself to Arielle's one of them nights. Alston's daddy owns that place. Have to call his lil ass & ask em when they're having it. I hope they're food isn't disgusting. I used my credit card today. For $24.18. I won't do it again lol. No time soon anyway.
JE is a sweetheart... but i don't know. I need a MAN. I talk shit like a motherfucker. And he has to be able to tell me be quiet. And I just shut up. That's one thing I love about a deep voice. Just hearin someone talk with a sexy deep voice gets me to thinkin' nasty things. Ha I just had a thought. I've never posted something sexy. How about a little taste of what I like?
I love to be kissed softly & slowly. & I love it when you suck on my lips, even more when you kiss me so deeply you suck the breath out of my lungs. Mmm & when you flick your tongue on my ear? Or when you suck on my neck? Yeah I love that shit. And how you flick your tongue on my nipples, & nibble on em too. Gets me so wet! Or when put your finger and my mouth & pull it out slowly, & put it inside me. Mmm yeah that gets it wet too. Yeah & I know how you like when I moan in your ear a little bit when you put my hand on your dick & I feel how hard it is for me. Shit fuck the rest of that foreplay shit you know I like you when you take the pussy. I love how you slide inside slow.. & start going faster & faster. When your on top of me, & you slide your fingers threw my hair and grip it while your dickin me down, yeah I like that shit. That dick be feelin so good inside me, I don't even know where I find the strength to even tell you to go harder. & I know you love it when I talk shit. Tellin you to go harder, I ain't feelin it. Tryin' ya manhood n shit. & you just go harder & harder & harder. Shit don't let the pussy beat you daddy! Oh yeah lol, you love it when I call you daddy? When I moan it in your ear? Tellin you the pussy belong to you? and you know it drives me crazy when you talk that nasty shit to me. Whispering in my ear talkin all that shit like you run somethin'. I want you to put it all in this time. Don't let me get away.. you know when it's feeling too good & i'm gettin close to that orgasm I can't handle it. Make me. Hold me down & keep dickin that pussy down. Til you feel it get all creamy. Til you feel me cum all over you. Slow down, just for a second. Let me breath.. that was a big one. You know when don't get time to love eachother down like this often. Let me savor that trip to heaven.. just for a second....... Okay daddy.. keep going.. Mmmm damn you look so sexy when you bite your lip & look down at me. Fuck that! Let me get on top. Turn it around backwards so you can watch it bounce up & down on it. & i'mma go faster and faster.. I wanna see your eyes roll up in your head lol... hear you tell me your about to cum. Yeah do it daddy. Cum in this pussy. I want that warm feeling all in my tummy. Let me know i'm treatin that dick good. Mmmm & after all that i'mma lay down on top of you & let you fall asleep in the pussy.
Damn I am a TRIP! Lol Don't get too excited. I wasn't talking about anyone. I just let it flow from the fingertips. Might be doin' that more often since i've been holdin' out lately. Got the pussy on lockdown so the thoughts & doin' nothin' but floatin in my head. =) Anyways. I'm going to wallow in my boredum for the night. I'll post again before twelve.. a little short something. HOLLER!