Love is nothing to play with. It can make people do crazy things.. stupid things. I don't wanna be one of those people. I haven't seen true love, ever. Besides in movies. I don't know why sometimes I want it so bad. Because eventually it will come to an end. Slowly i'm seeing things for what they are. I blind myself from the truth when I can't handle it. When i'm not ready to deal with it. Well i'm ready now. And with each passing day I see more & more the things that I didn't let myself see. The signs. All I can do is pray that the Lord blesses me with wisdom. Smh.
I'm changing my number soon. I think this is really important. Because now I have the chance to eliminate people out of my life. People whom I can't say goodbye too on my own or who won't say goodbye to me after i've already cut them loose. But now I won't have to. I just simply won't give them the new number. It's also another step to the growth of me. I'm getting my own plan. I hope I can handle it. I mean however small it is to some people, it's important to me. Y'know, symbolization type of thing.
But who do I want to eliminate from my life? Better yet.. who do I NEED to eliminate from my life? I guess i'll figure that out in a few days when my phone comes. So like i'm FINALLY getting the phone I want =]. & now when my mother's phone bill shoots through the roof she'll know it wasn't my ass who did it, because most of the time it never is. I'm finally getting my freakin LG SHINE!!!! YAYYYYYYYY [Small Moment Of Celebration] I've been waiting forever.
One thing I do know is that, ( & no of course I didn't come up with this myself ), there's a reason the people in your past didn't make it to your future. So now all I have to do is decide who deserves to make it into my future.
I went to the gym today!! Almost killed my damn self lol. I am SO out of shape. When I went 2/3 months ago, I had no problem runnin on the treadmill & doin all that other shit for about an hour or two. Man I get in there today, not even TWENTY minutes & I was like fuck this. Got a small cramp in my stomach too. Well better luck next time. If I ever wanna get in shape, I just have to stick to it. And yes I went to the gym by myself! Time for me to stop bullshitting around. It's obvious people are on their own time.. not mines.
You know, at one time or another you always find out how much you mean to someone. Do you know that Kimori is leaving tomorrow for the air force. TOMORROW. & he's just telling me today well tonight.. y'know like an hour ago! Kinda fuckin' friend is that? Smh. Well he's not the only one i've figured out my value from. But i'm so sick of discussing him that i'm not even gonna bring it up. Cause it isn't gonna do anything but start a discussion that always ends with me putting my feelings on the back burner. Maybe he should be one of the people I don't bring to my future. Like I said Love is nothing to play with.. & I don't want him to be the one I fall in love with. I don't know why I just bend to whatever he wants. Like he deserves that. He doesn't deserve anything from me. & I shouldn't feel entitled to let him be the one I give my heart to. It's a big circle I don't want to go around. I have too much love & respect for myself. Anyways.. moving on
Magic invited me to the movies. I don't have to worry any about anyone because i'm not seein any niggas. so sure. I don't even like him. Just someone to chill with.
I'm on the phone with Darrius. I don't know what to expect... our last time speaking wasnt the best. I said some things to him I realized that I feel about a lot of people. I said I realized that the way you prioritize me in your life is different from the way I prioritize mine. My level of importance in your life isn't the same as your importance in mine. Blah Love Hurts. Goodnight
xPce