Y'know... I just realized that whenever someone needs something, as far as advice, I give them the best advice and watch them move forward using what I told them, but when it comes to me, i'm completely clueless as to what I need. I don't know anyone who understands my mind enough to understand whatever it is I need. I understand other people because other people are all the same. The ones I can't understand are the ones I hold closest to my heart.
Well first of course let's recap the last todays.
Yesterday: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. I did JACK SHIT ALL day. But I did find out that Kimori leaves October the 14th for boot camp. I don't really know how i'm handle'n it. Kinda weird to know your first love is leaving forever. It's a 1 out of 10 chance that i'll ever see him again. I don't even think he knows that he's the first person I ever REALLY loved. I wasn't deep in love with him, because it takes two to be deep in love. But I was in love with him. And I did want him to feel the same away about me. I actually cried lol. But I think I would like him to know how I actually felt before he leaves. Why I continued to sleep with him knowing he had a girlfriend and all the other negative things that was included in our 'friendship'. I know i'll feel a lot better after I clear my chest. Other than that, I didnt do anything but lay around the house.
Today: Ugh I wanted to go to work so bad! I've been bored out of my freaking mind dude! She called and said we did have to go, then when I called her back she said not to come. I got dressed and everything lol. I was so EXCITED to go to work. Then when I didnt go I was like....... ahhhh. I went and rented to movies Pirates of the Caribbean one and two. I watched both of em back to back and then was bored again lol. Me and 'ManMan' Talked on the phone for about an hour and fifteen minutes. He's cool conversation with his old ass. Just cool peoples. He like damn 27. Which is almost thirty. Which is too damn old. And of course, he's with child. Which means he's most likely fucking, even if its once every blue moon. No thanks. Drama = Not my fortay. Other than that, nadaaaaaa.
Love me some damn strawberries. I don't know why. But straw berries are so delicious. Love em love em love em.
Omg I couldn't even get my damn check today. FedEx didn't deliver them because of the whether. Dude.. I had to pay 'Mr.Winston' the lawyer today. But I talked to him he said to call him Monday. I hope the checks are here before then because my phone bill is due Monday. I'd hate to start off on the wrong foot. Would look SO bad. I didn't even know this was payday week. Lol been broke for long I kinda got used to that shit. My credit card bill isn't due until Sept. 10 and its only 15 dollars so i'm good there. I can do that next check. But I know i'll put something on it before then. I really need to stop using that shit.
Shit the way money lookin right now I should just find me a trick nigga and woo his ass. Maybe Pj.. but I hate his damn head. Its so little and peazy lol. He isn't ugly, but his braces take away from his smile and I'm big on smiles. He's 24, in the military, also with child. But his drama is way in Chicago. I wouldnt mind being wifey. Now remember, wifey is TEMPORARY. I do want to ask him about going into the military though, and what would be the best branch for me.
Sooo today was the twins birthday [Aug 22nd] ... soo HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINS!! Gotta remember to get them something too. There not the only reason but one of the most important reasons why I still even associate myself with Parris. Along with the fact that i'm trying to get over his retarded ass. I bet they had a party today and he didn't invite me. And i'm wondering why I even CARE. I'm pushin myself closer knowing I want to be FARTHER. I should be pulling myself away but i'm just making reasons in my mind for us to remain close. And I cant decipher if it's because he's my best friend, or if it's because i'm so in love with him. After kimori hurt me I didn't think I could feel that way again, but shit after a year its like... damn. But Parris has been my best friend for 2 years... It's hard to let all that go, then of course all the things we've been through and have helped each other through, I guess it just pushed those feelings out of me. I don't really know how he feels. I know how he says he feels but most of the time he's full of shit so I dont know what to believe. Blah, I know that in time whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I can't do anything but let things flow as they may.
And Darrius? He may be full of a different kind of shit. As sweet as he is, he's still full of shit. And in a way we goin through the same situation so I can't be too mad at him. Just wish I wouldn't let myself get so confused!
Niggas are so ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm so ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'mma get it together one of these days though.