Change doesn't come to those who aren't ready, or who dont make an effort to do so. I feel that i'm ready for a change. I feel that I NEED a change. It all starts with me. An although most people don't see it, i've come a long way. I know most people don't see it because i've never had a friend stay in my life long enough to notice such. I went from shy & extremely naive to bold, confident, & mean as all hell. I've toned down on my rudeness & all that other too extreme ass shit. I mean.. not gonna sit here & explain some drastic ass change or some shit. But what I can say is that i'm not done changing.
Even if times are rough now, with time & extreme effort things will get better. The changes i'm making will benefit me, my future, & whomever I choose to hold close to me in my future. I can't force my life to be better. It is what it is. Complaining will not change the situation, but actions will. And thats what i'm doing. I'm taking actions. I can only just hope & pray for the support from the people surrounding me & the Lord. I know this transition ain't gonna be on no walk on water type shit, but i'm in it with the mindset to win it. So its whatever I gotta do to make it from now on!
Darrius came over today. He just wanted to get out the house & asked if he could stop by, I said yeah. Me & him tried to kick it outside cause my room was dirty & I ain't feel like cleaning it. But these Florida mosquito's is vicious! Almost died lol. So I cleaned up a LITTLE bit & we kicked it in the house. Lol he kept me laughing with his little ways. He NEVER lets me take his picture. He just hate not bein' in control of what the picture gonna look like. But he always looks at the portfolio with my senior pictures in it. Its a picture he been wantin for a long time... & only because I love him.. I let him have it. It was an alright picture, I dont know what he loves so much about it. But in return for me letting him have the picture, he read a story I wanted him to read in one of my books. He does not like reading lol.. but he did it for me which was the important thing. & he actually liked the story I let him read. He got me thinkin' though. I said, sometimes I wonder what the future holds in store for us. He said, We gotta start somewhere. Chu think that means?
Well... our nameless crush hasn't hit me up all day, or last night. Even logged on myspace & all. Show you how people is! Anyways, won't catch me 'frettin' over nere one of these niggas unless we married. Remember that shit! Too old for games. Shit you either in my small circle or you ain't. Ain't no in & out, when you feel like it, or any of that other type of shit. So guess what you showin me. Ya ass ain't tryna be apart of my closed circle. Ain't you won't be receiving anymore open invitations. Whateverrrrr
Well since i'm pretty much sure that Charlie isn't keeping up with my blogs anymore, I think its safe to say.. NIGGA YOU STILL FULL OF SHIT! All that talkin' & no action. But thats okay, we're just friends so i don't expect too much. Just respect. & he gives enough of that so ain't really stunting that all shit he talkin'. Just stop talkin it if you ain't about it! Don't feed me dreams & fantasies about a 'day out on you'. Lol.. nah i'm fuckin wit him. We cool peoples though.
Although I haven't had a day off from work in 8 about to be 9 days, i'm happy. I've never been so happy to go to work. Not only does it help me get away from this CRAZY house... it gives me whatever little money, which is much needed & well appreciated. Can you believe they went out spending money today? We got a car to fix, bills to pay, & mouths to feed. Smh. Ridiculous. I'm so serious. We're down to one car again. Don't know what's gonna come of that. And them not having cell phones is killing me. I had to sit outside of work in that hot ass sun waiting for them for a fucking hour because they didnt know to come get me. They weren't home when I told them to be & I almost got fucking sunburned. My arms all dark now. My face never changes colors so now I feel all awkward.
Enough of that. I work tomorrow 11-8. Early as hell.. but I appreciate it. About to take my ass to sleep though. First I gotta put on some clothes lol. I been sittin here naked since bout 11. Got out the shower, laid down & started reading.. Lost track of time. Gosh I feel so much better. I'm still scared about tomorrow though. Goodnight...
xPce