Sometimes my thoughts are what get me in trouble, or they are what make me do the things I tell myself i'm not going to do. I never do anything I don't want to do, I just do things I shouldn't do. I tell myself i'm not going to take it there with him. It would be morally wrong. Well not really morally wrong. Just our situation would make things a little difficult at first. I wouldn't wanna start off rocky. If I let time pass, & I do mean TIME, then maybe somethin can happen. For now we're just cool peoples. I'm fine with that, & he may not be but he does have to respect it.
Can you believe this nigga Ryann STILL has not called me? I mean no contact what-so-ever. & he's still keepin' up with his bitches though! I guess as time goes by you see who really gives a shit. But one thing i'm not gonna do is hold hard feelings. How can I? I knew better than to even open up the door to that kind of 'fling' in the first place. Naive is me sometimes. I'm growing up & i'm learning though. Slowly i'm working my way through my issues. And I know when it's all said and done i'm going to be proud of myself because I did it all by my motherfucking self. Last time I checked it wasn't no such thing as a real friend so FUCK EM'. FUCK EM' ALL! Lol, i'm so silly.
Speaking of low-lifes.. this nigga Brian hit me up on myspace talkin' about 'what you doin' .. I said shit.. eating you? 'nothin, can you take me somewhere' lol NO. He always want somethin'. 'Sis let me borrow 5 dollars'.. 'Sis buy me somethin to eat.' 'Sis pay my way in to the club.' & I do it sometimes.. but most times i be like 'Bruh get a JOB'. Broke ass.
I sat next to my mother today. & you know what she told me? That I have to get a full-time job & help out or we're going to lose the house. BITCH, you needed to pay your mortgage but you can afford to go buy a chihuahua? Them motherfuckers ain't cheap. You spend money on fast food everyday, because your too lazy to cook, yet you can't buy my brothers contacts? Man. How fucking STUPID does that sound? When I do get my full-time job i'll help out a little. As well as tell her to manage her money better & make better decisions when it comes to spending it. She making decisions someone my age would make. Broad you have 4 kids, a house, & 2 cars to pay for. I promise this is not how I will live my life in the future. I couldn't see myself struggling like this. I'm trying to change my spending habits. & as far as shopping I think i've done a good job. No more using my credit card. I fucked up on that like I knew I would. But it isn't that bad. I'm making fixable mistakes. So I need to fix them & get on with my life.
Can you believe my mother/brother/stepdad's phone bill is almost 5 thousand dollars? All because they took of the unlimited txting. Man got me FUCKED up.. i'm GLAD i'm not on there plan anymore. Won't catch my damn bill that high. Cingular better not try my ass.
So today I guess I officially gave JE the cold shoulder. I even told you that I got the little kid vibe from him. Well he can take that shit back to his lame little girls.
Parris hit me up today. Guess where he's been? JAIL. He had to turn himself in, so of course it was a waste of time, me writing a letter to his judge & all. Smh, I'm really starting to dislike him. I love him, but I dislike him. The process of letting him go is proving to be easier then I thought. I'm glad, because I can't handle anymore difficulty in my life.
My little sister is getting a little too grown. & if she doesn't watch her mouth & the shit she be saying to me, i'm gonna accidentally beat her motherfucking ass. I don't wanna beat her like she some girl on the street but she pushing my patience... hard.
Among other things... my room is fucking FILTHY. I don't even wanna be here. So I know its time for me to clean it up. & since i'm not all that tired.. as soon as I finish my blog I think thats what i'm going to do. Well I guess I am about done huh? lol.... goodnight...
xPCE!