K. Well haven't posted in a few days so of course, so of course i'll have to run through the past few days. I can't remember what day it was posted on, but I was a bit distraught my last post. I'm still not myself but slowly i'm getting there. Just takin it a day at a time.. dealing with it when I can deal with it. I haven't really been doing much but working. Which is a good thing. I'm just so ready to get my life moving. I know that if I sit and do nothing, sooner or later i'll be 21 and still living with my mother... WONT be happening! Nu uh no sir! I can promise my life on that. I can't let anything or anyone ( including myself ) hold me back from what I want to accomplish in life. I'm entirely focused on money and getting back to school. My priorities were out of order, but i'm working on getting them back in order.
You know, I don't express myself well to other people because I'm overprotective of my feelings. I don't trust people with them. So when I do express myself its for a reason. I expressed myself with Darrius because I felt it was for the best. And whatever reaction I got, I was fine with that. But I didn't get one at all. So that just lets me know I need to just move along with my life. And even now as i'm typing it I know its going to be a lot more that goes along with me just walking away. It might be a little while. But I know later i'm going to just have to let him go. But I guess thats everybody. There all about them & they love the people around them when its convenient for them.
I been down this road before.. its a long, dark, and lonely road too. And I know it's too late to turn back, so hopefully my heart will move a little faster in the healing process so I can move on and just be happy by my damn self. I don't wanna be in love right now, I don't wanna love anyone right now. I just wanna follow my dreams and share my happiness with ME. But then lonliness creeps in and takes over. Ahhhhhhhh lol I kinda feel like i'm going nuts.
Well guess who I talked to today? And last night? Ryann. He's been calling, tryna show that he do give a fuck I guess. Even though he gets on my nerves, I love my friend! Lol he's still my favorite person. And we're still having our on-going argument about who's lighter. I know I am lol but I just like messing with him. He also had a discussion too. Well like it start cause when we were in school we used to always chill when we had the same lunch, and it was this lil boy that was on the same football team with him that thought we were together.. lol I lied & said that im pregnant with his baby and poked my stomach out like I was serious lol. And I didn't see him for a while so the next time he saw me he was like, you had the baby? I was like yeah we had a boy. LMFAO!! And he believed me too. Went back tellin the whole football team n shit that we gotta baby lol.
And then we started talkin about that stupid song that goes 'That baby don't look like me'. And we started talkin' about DNA tests and blah blah blah. And I was like, if the person i'm with doesn't trust me enough to know that my child is his, then i don't want to be with him. He can have his DNA test of course, i'm not gon talk no shit, i'm not gonna protest or anything. And when he get them damn results back i'mma be like FUCK YOU. Cease all contact besides him taking care of his child. And he says only girls with something to hide do shit like that. I'm like no, but I don't really know anyone who matters that can say i've given them a reason not to trust me. And damn sure if we're TOGETHER, & you don't trust me, theres no reason for me to be with you. If there was a possibility that the child isn't yours i'd tell you. And he gonna tell me that i'd get over it. I said yeah, enough to be cordial with you. And then I got irritated lol so we changed the subject.
I'll post again later today. Guess I just wanted to share what was on my mind.
xPce