Gosh. I keep making my life more complicated even when I wanna make it better. Even when i'm trying to make it better. Sometimes I wonder why i'm always the biggest obstacle in my life. I hold myself back more than anyone, or anything i've been through. I know i'm ready to move, so why am I still standing here?? Fuck...
Today Parris came to see me. You know he hasn't been to see me since what... June?! The night he followed me home after the club when he knew I had a little too much to drink. And before that shit I cant even remember! And has the nerve to claim that he's been trying to talk to me more & come & see me more. Bitch please. You supposed to be close to my fam, yet you haven't even been brought the girls over to meet my family. I don't even know why the fuck I told him what I had going on. But he was gonna find out one way or another. Then had the nerve to ask me some shit like i'm gonna lie about it. Ugh he's acting like such a bitch about my situation. In all of his situations I put his feelings first.. not my own. And now today he wanna act like he bein the bigger man. Bitch I know you still lookin' down on me. Fuck you. Blah I dont even wanna talk about him anymore...
Ahh mann... my Kimori is going through a hard time right now. And even though I tried to give him the words of wisdom, I know right now the person he needs the most is HIMSELF.. & the Lord of course. But Kimori has to stop fighting himself to get through his past and move on to his future. And to stop messin with them bum ass females. But I think he's finding his way & i'm proud of him for that. I know my Kimoris Jones lol will be okay sooner or later. Just gotta take the time to dig deep within himself to see everything for how it is. I love him dearly and i'm saying a quiet prayer for my dear friend!!
So .... you know what the fuck Parris told me? That Darrius tried to get that ex of his pregnant. If he tried to get me pregnant on purpose i'mma FLIP UPSIDE DOWN ON HIS ASS. I don't wanna believe that he would intentionally try to do that to me when I told him I wasn't ready. Because I had him in high standards and for him to show me anything less is gonna shake me. Because I let my guard down. And I trusted him. Let's just pray that everything comes out okay, & that God prepares me mentally, financially, & physically if things do come out the way I DONT want them to. Oh yeahhh... I'm guessing that Parris is messing with Darrius' ex bitch too. But you know what... NO STRESSING. After tonight i'm not gonna give a FLYING FUCK. What for??
Ahh man. I can't do anything but PRAY PRAY PRAY..... Goodnight
xPce