Hello my little world! Yes i'm back. Here to give you a much needed update on my life. But first, these frozen strawberries are DELICIOUS. Feel like heaven is dancing on my tongue & moving down my throat to rest in my tummy! Mmm mmm mmm!!! Okay, now let's see. Recap on my last couple of days.
They have been extremely BORING!!!! I haven't done SHIT. Damn I hate not working. I don't have shit else to occupy my day with. Its getting ridiculous. And i'm off until fucking Saturday. And even then I only work like 3 or 4 damn hours. I don't know how I expect to get to Cali in November, and the Classic even though Charlie said he'd pay for everything at the Classic. Thats such a sweet thing =]. But I don't even know if i'm going to want to go. I really do wanna get my shit together so I can move the fuck out!! First step is finding a better damn job. Lol oh shit. Yeah I don't think i've given you THAT update yet.
Yeah me & Charlie are back to bein' friends. But I had to put limitations on our friendship so it doesn't get out of hand like it did last time. We cool peoples and I still got love for him even though he's full of shit lol. With his old ass. Always talkin' shit. & he be lyin'! Lol but thats alright though. It don't make me no difference. Let Keta deal with that. [He gon cuss my ass out if he read this lol]
Okay so he and I talked today. First he txted me and just said whassup & asked how I was doing. I said good, then he said don't worry about anything because if it comes down to it then i'm going to be okay. Although it was sweet, it didnt soothe me much. But what did make me feel better was when he called me later, totally unexpected. We talked about other stuff, like that sick nigga Rocky lol. Every time we mention him we always be laughin & disgusted at the same time. And then we talked about the baby. He continuously tried to assure me that everything would be okay, & that no matter what happens between us that he always got me. I couldn't fully express to him the way I was feelin' & why I felt that way, but I got some of it out. And he kind of understood. I couldn't ask for more than understanding. Then we talked about him gettin his raise, & how much money he'd be pullin' in a month. And we started talkin' about an apartment. I couldn't really tell if he was askin' me to move in with him, or just that I could spend as much time there as I wanted. I guess i'll have to ask another time. He's also talkin' about gettin another job. I don't want him to work himself into the ground, but I do respect the fact that he wants to be a provider and he sees the importance in it. He's becoming my dream man more & more every day lol. And i'm proud of myself because I took that step and le him know the opportunity to be with me won't always be there even though our friendship will. I told him to think about what he REALLY wanted & what he really is ready for & to take his time. I mean, all the things he's been saying to me lately are things that include US. And I do love him dearly. But I don't want it just to be because of a baby. I want any decision he makes to be based on our love, & the fact that it's what HE wants. But I guess time tells all.
Along with taking that step in his & my future, I also finished my financial aid papers. Ma signed her part today & now all I can do is wait & continue to check up on it. I'm praying that everything is taken care of because right now I don't think I could handle that responsibility. But my next step to make is celibacy. Because I know I haven't been keeping my promise to myself. As good as it feels it isn't worth all of what i'm risking and I need to realize that and kick temptation in the ass! I will. I just have to keep fighting for it. Anyways... i'm about to go pee & lay it down... Goodnight!!
xPce