Work was alright today. I think i'm getting better at my DOR [Division of Responsibility] - Which is Merchandising. I don't know why I feel its so difficult. I guess that all comes in time && growing out of that sales associate mentality. I did better with Operations. And its not like Annabelle helps any && she's the manager on Merchandising with me. I don't have time to baby-sit a grown ass woman. I'm bout to really get a handle on shit too... especially since i wanna keep my job.
Damn this car insurance thing is so expensive. I dont even have a real license so thats even worse. I really need to get it together. Tomorrow morning i'm going to schedule an appointment to see if I can get my license cause this shit is getting real irritating. But I don't want them to take my shit if its still suspended. That's the only thing i'm worried about. Well and them high ass premiums.
I need to divide my next check up. Or at least add up this months bills so I know what I need to do. I paid both of my credit card bills early this month so I don't have to worry about them. I'm gonna put 30 on each anyway.. so thats 60. My phone bill is due the 25Th, so that's like 85.. plus 60 so that's 145. I'ma put up one sixty... i have 520 saved but i'm gonna use that to pay for insurance or license expenses or whatever. I just really hope everything comes together. It gets stressful when you tryna do so much and everything else holds you back.
Me & Dmo [my bae], had started talking about moving in together. Not right now but next year, June 2010. I'm not ready to now, I wanna get myself situated && have something more to fall back on. Bu I wonder how long thats gonna last. I remember we were talking about it before and I was all excited and what not, then we had an argument && I had to hear the 'we not ready line'. I don't even like getting excited about things he says anymore because he changes his mind about so much. It gets really irritating sometimes. But this time I was like shit your sure? Cause you know how you get soon as we go through somethiin'. && he said yeah he's sure. I'm gonna ask him when we talk tonight. I'm still kinda feeling a certain way about how he wants me to change my number. He wants me to go through everything to change my number but he wants to wait until the summer time to change his. I dont ask him for much. I hardly ask him for ANYTHING. And I wish he would see that shit, although i'm not gonna ask for them I like nice things too. The couple times I have came through && let him know something I wanted, he didn't come through.
Aside from all that petty bullshit. I'm going to get tested. We been arguin' about that a little lately... not about getting tested in general, but just about how he feels about my past. Honestly, I could have lied, just to make him feel better. And I did a little. I didn't tell him everything. But He knows enough, and he already can't handle that. Now I feel uncomfortable keepin' it real with him and thats a problem. After I get tested [i'm shit scared of what the results will be], its really going to be time to make some changes to our relationship. We're going to stop having sex. Until he can respect me for the woman I have become and think about the girl I used to be, its just something that needs to be done. I honestly didn't know the things he MADE me tell him were bothering him. Sometimes I don't like telling him the truth because i'm not the kinda girl he's used to. All them other bitches were lame, or crazy as hell. I been through a lot and I put myself through even more. But I forgave myself and i'm trying to move on to become a better person with all the things i'm doing in my life. If he can't get past that then I don't want him holding me back from moving on to become BETTER. He wants or can't help but to dwell on the past and I don't wanna go back down that road... Damn this shit is long.. i'maa cut it short here and post a little more later on tonight.